Week 1: Be Vulnerable

I remember being 9-years old and telling myself, "Don't ever let weight become a problem". Right. Sure. Why not? Sounds simple enough.. What my 9-year old self didn't know was that I would later starve myself at the fragile age of 12, gain 30 lbs. in high school, find out I have hypothyroidism (a slow metabolism) & insulin resistance (basically my body feeds itself sugar all day without my approval), and would also later gain an additional 30 lbs. after college. Weight not becoming a problem.. hah! NOT likely.

Now, I'm 23-years old and I can't go two minutes without thinking about weight, or someone reminding me of it in between those two minutes. I'm watching all of my friends move in with their boyfriends, get married, or simply get hit on when we go out. They tell me to just have confidence, forget what I look like and just have fun. Easy for them to say...

The thing is, I have a lot to be confident about. I lived in Italy by myself for seven months this past year. Learned an entirely new language at 22-years old. Moved to New York City to take on the dog-eat-dog world of advertising. I am a great pianist & dancer. And have made friends with people from Venezuela, Qatar, Sweden, Belgium, all the way to Australia. BUT, my problem is that I am a self-proclaimed profectionist. My therapist can back me up on that. I particularly see things as black and white, zero or 100%. If I'm not the prettiest girl in the room, then I might-as-well be the ugliest. If I'm not the skinniest, I must be the fattest. With this sort of mentality, it's no wonder that I start to give up on myself. I think, "If I'm going to be the fattest, then what difference does it make if I eat this huge bowl of cereal, or this extra slice of bread, or this big cone of ice cream? I'm still going to be the "fat girl"".

My friends tell me, "well you've never really been skinny, so how do you expect to find confidence in your appearance". First of all, ouch. Second, this may be true, actually. But, does that means I don't deserve to find out if I can be the healthiest version of "ME" I can be? I've decided that, for me, seeing myself as someone inbetween the skinniest and the fattest doesn't necessarily mean I will still find confidence in my appearance. But, what if I found confidence in just being healthy. My therapist tells me, "you will never be the prettiest girl in the world...or the skinniest". So, I canNOT base my confidence on that kind of a goal.

Thus, three weeks ago I made a deal with myself that I would focus the next 6-8 weeks on my body & mind - because our mind is just as important in the journey to better health. So, I started by taking a break from the stresses of work, interviewed a dozen trainers, made an appointment with a therapist, and found a 'bulldog with a smile' personal trainer, named Dana, to help me reach my goals. Like I said, I started this 3 weeks, and despite my low-carb, low-sugar, high lean-protein diet & dedicated fitness regimen, I haven't lost a single, solitary POUND. Let's jump back about 5 paragraphs to my mention of 2 critical things: hypothyroidism & insulin resistance. I've been blessed with these two lovely roadblocks in my weight loss journey my whole life. Well, guess what?! I refuse to let this plateau, resistance, whatever-you-want-to-call-it set-back hold me from being my healthiest. Because today, I am not healthy. Today, I am not confident about being the best version of myself that I can possibly be. So, if I am not there today, then I certainly would like the opportunity to possibly be there tomorrow.

So, join me in witnessing one of the most vulnerable journey's I've ever taken. I will be documenting my progress daily or weekly through this blog to show that with persistance comes results and with results comes change. And that's a change I have been waiting to witness my whole life..

Good night for now, and wish me luck as my trainer, Dana, kicks my butt at the gym tomorrow!!

All the Best,

xx

-Kate

And remember:

"Rule your mind, or it will rule you. You may delay, but time will not." - Horace

"Living a healthy lifestyle will only deprive you of poor health, lethargy, and fat." - Jill Johnson

"You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it." - Margaret Thatcher