Week 2: Putting It Out There

So, I can't even believe I am doing this right now. But, I have decided that in order to be successful, I have to be honest with myself. SO, I'm posting my "before" photo for all the world to see. *runs and hides in the bathroom* I can't even tell you how difficult it is for me to post this, considering I have huge problems even grasping the fact that I'm "overweight". Ugh! What an ugly, brutal word. You know what's an even worse word??? OBESE. Yes, ladies (and possibly gents), no longer are the days of basking in even the idea of being just 20lbs. overweight, but as soon as the doctor pulls out her chart and shows you that you're in the "obese" category, you know shits about to go down (even if laxatives have something to do about it). "But how could this be?", I thought. So I'm a little past the halfway mark to 200lbs... this seems impossible. Okay, deep breath. So, I'm technically *whispers* obese.. So, what? Whether I'm considered overweight or obese, all I know is that this girl has got to buckle down and start working that unwelcomed fat off. I want to stamp that weight with a big ol' red "FINITO" "DONE" "YOUUUURR OUTTA HERE!" So, the first step in making that change is to show myself the truth and put it out there.

Ouch. Pure shame. It's like staring at Kirstie Alley somewhere between "Cheers" and "It Takes Two". Alright, enough. MOVING ON. I'm wiping my hands clean of this.

You know what's beautiful about putting this out there? That I know someday - not tomorrow, or next week, or even next month - I'm gonna have a healthy, fit, dare-I-say enviable? body to display. And giiirl, I'm gonna not only post that image on my blog, but WEAR it, LIVE it, and BREATHE a fresh new breath of healthiness.

Week 1: Finding a Healthy Role Model

I think it's helpful to have someone that you can look up to for inspiration when striving for a goal. Whether you're a 15 year-old high school basketball player looking up to Michael Jordan, an artist inspired by Andy Warhol, or simply a person who just needs someone to stand for what they want to be, I think it's great to have representation of your goal(s). Aside from being a role model, I think that visualization of a goal is very important. When you have something that gives you an image of what can be, it's much more powerful than a big question mark at the end of the road. I think that role model's can provide a sort of visual aid, if you will, to what your goal looks like, once achieved.

I've always struggled with finding a real role model in life. There were the Britney Spears days, the unrealistic Oprah-aspirations.. but, never someone around my age who seemed to come from what I was struggling with. However, recently, there was a lot of buzz about Kelly Osbourne, daughter of Ozzie Osbourne, and her new slender figure. I was apprehensive in congratulating her at first because Kelly had dropped weight before due to drug abuse. But, after Kelly announced she'd been clean of drugs and had found a new healthy lifestyle I started to read up more about how she slimmed down. I read that amongst other tactics and lifestyle changes, some of the things Kelly took up were ballet, pilates, nibbling on an apple before bed to keep her metabolism going over night, and many other healthy choices. But, Kelly's starting weight was very close to mine, and although our bodies are totally different in how they react to changes/diets, I think I can look to her as a role model in that 'yes I can lose the weight'. I think about how much weight has to be taken off in order to be in my "healthy" range and it's overwhelming, but having a role model to keep me motivated is certainly another hand helping me reach my goals.

These are just some before/after shots of Kelly. The first was taken in 2007 & the second just recently at the Emmy's in 2010. I'd like to take a few "before" shots of myself to later compare just like this... but I'll save those for when the weight starts to finally melt off :)







I really loved what Kelly talked about today, on the Ellen show concerning her weight and self-esteem. So, check out Kelly Osbourne on the Ellen show below, and hear her talk about loving her body and finding confidence.

"I don't ever want to be the prettiest girl in the world, I just want to like myself"

Absolutely my new role model.

Week 1: Be Vulnerable

I remember being 9-years old and telling myself, "Don't ever let weight become a problem". Right. Sure. Why not? Sounds simple enough.. What my 9-year old self didn't know was that I would later starve myself at the fragile age of 12, gain 30 lbs. in high school, find out I have hypothyroidism (a slow metabolism) & insulin resistance (basically my body feeds itself sugar all day without my approval), and would also later gain an additional 30 lbs. after college. Weight not becoming a problem.. hah! NOT likely.

Now, I'm 23-years old and I can't go two minutes without thinking about weight, or someone reminding me of it in between those two minutes. I'm watching all of my friends move in with their boyfriends, get married, or simply get hit on when we go out. They tell me to just have confidence, forget what I look like and just have fun. Easy for them to say...

The thing is, I have a lot to be confident about. I lived in Italy by myself for seven months this past year. Learned an entirely new language at 22-years old. Moved to New York City to take on the dog-eat-dog world of advertising. I am a great pianist & dancer. And have made friends with people from Venezuela, Qatar, Sweden, Belgium, all the way to Australia. BUT, my problem is that I am a self-proclaimed profectionist. My therapist can back me up on that. I particularly see things as black and white, zero or 100%. If I'm not the prettiest girl in the room, then I might-as-well be the ugliest. If I'm not the skinniest, I must be the fattest. With this sort of mentality, it's no wonder that I start to give up on myself. I think, "If I'm going to be the fattest, then what difference does it make if I eat this huge bowl of cereal, or this extra slice of bread, or this big cone of ice cream? I'm still going to be the "fat girl"".

My friends tell me, "well you've never really been skinny, so how do you expect to find confidence in your appearance". First of all, ouch. Second, this may be true, actually. But, does that means I don't deserve to find out if I can be the healthiest version of "ME" I can be? I've decided that, for me, seeing myself as someone inbetween the skinniest and the fattest doesn't necessarily mean I will still find confidence in my appearance. But, what if I found confidence in just being healthy. My therapist tells me, "you will never be the prettiest girl in the world...or the skinniest". So, I canNOT base my confidence on that kind of a goal.

Thus, three weeks ago I made a deal with myself that I would focus the next 6-8 weeks on my body & mind - because our mind is just as important in the journey to better health. So, I started by taking a break from the stresses of work, interviewed a dozen trainers, made an appointment with a therapist, and found a 'bulldog with a smile' personal trainer, named Dana, to help me reach my goals. Like I said, I started this 3 weeks, and despite my low-carb, low-sugar, high lean-protein diet & dedicated fitness regimen, I haven't lost a single, solitary POUND. Let's jump back about 5 paragraphs to my mention of 2 critical things: hypothyroidism & insulin resistance. I've been blessed with these two lovely roadblocks in my weight loss journey my whole life. Well, guess what?! I refuse to let this plateau, resistance, whatever-you-want-to-call-it set-back hold me from being my healthiest. Because today, I am not healthy. Today, I am not confident about being the best version of myself that I can possibly be. So, if I am not there today, then I certainly would like the opportunity to possibly be there tomorrow.

So, join me in witnessing one of the most vulnerable journey's I've ever taken. I will be documenting my progress daily or weekly through this blog to show that with persistance comes results and with results comes change. And that's a change I have been waiting to witness my whole life..

Good night for now, and wish me luck as my trainer, Dana, kicks my butt at the gym tomorrow!!

All the Best,

xx

-Kate

And remember:

"Rule your mind, or it will rule you. You may delay, but time will not." - Horace

"Living a healthy lifestyle will only deprive you of poor health, lethargy, and fat." - Jill Johnson

"You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it." - Margaret Thatcher